


Something French

by 98percent



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Fujiko being all-knowing, Goemon had had enough, Jigen went along with whatever Lupin had in mind, Lupin being Lupin, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, which is already too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:55:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/98percent/pseuds/98percent
Summary: “Say that again,” the bearded man deadpanned.The doctor looked up with 100% unimpressed face. “You have to stop smoking,” he said with a dull voice, “for a month at least.”**********************aka. Jigen had to quit smoking due to circumstances, and Lupin being creepily supportive.





	Something French

“Say that again,” the bearded man deadpanned.

The doctor looked up with 100% unimpressed face. “You have to stop smoking,” he said with a dull voice, “for a month at least.”

“A month,” his patient repeated blankly, biting on the short syllable.

“Yes. Well actually I’d recommend three. Or better, for life. But in your case—”

Jigen looked like he’s ready to flip. His fingers twitched towards the back of his waistband as if to reach for a certain something which Lupin made sure was NOT with him during his hospitalization. Then after a beat his fingers twitched towards the doctor’s throat, and Lupin decided that’s where he should chime in.

“All right, all right, gentlemen,” he inserted himself between the two, planting a hand firmly on his friend’s shoulder to bodily hold him down on the chair. “Thank you, doctor. Duly noted. Will do.”

Jigen was ushered out of the room in a haste, all the while cursing and half-heartedly trying to fight back. Lupin kept a hand at the small of his back and another on his elbow, physically wrangling him through the door.

“—I don’t care. That doctor doesn’t know anything—and where’s my goddamn hat??”

Goemon materialized from nowhere with his fedora. Lupin snatched it away and put it on Jigen’s head, which Jigen instinctively tugged on until it covered his eyes. “Where is my gun?”

“I’m keeping it for now,” Lupin answered, “for safety reasons.”

Jigen snorted loudly.

“If I left it with you, you’ll be dancing on the doctor’s dead body now.”

“I don’t dance,” Jigen spitted.

***************************

The morning went by just fine, where Jigen spent the most napping in the couch, and by noon he decided it's about time. Goemon was nowhere to be seen, probably practicing sword on rooftop again, and Lupin also vanished to nowhere doing god knows what.

What they didn’t know can’t hurt them.

Jigen went to the nearest store and threw some cash on the counter, two packs Marlboro lying satisfactorily on his palm. The cashier stared at him but did not take the money. Jigen glared back. “What?”

“I…”, the cashier looked a little uneasy, “I need to see your ID, sir.”

“What for?”

“Uh,” the cashier truly looked uneasy now, “to see…if you’re underage?”

Jigen almost laughed. _Almost_. “ _ **Do I look like I’m underage**?_ ”

“I—”, the poor lad spluttered, “okay, I’m sorry. But I need to —your name can’t happen to be Jigen Daisuke, right?”

Jigen narrowed his eyes. “Problem?”

The nervous smile vanished from the boy’s face. “well,” he hesitated, sweating a little, “you see—"

******************************

 “Okay, what’s your game?”

Lupin looked up from his newspaper. “Horse race?”

“Don’t screw with me.” Jigen warned, “did you bribe all the store owners in this city into not selling me cigarettes?”

“I don’t know,” Lupin answered smoothly, “did you try to get cigarette from all the store owners in this city?”

“That’s…not the point. It’s hypothetical. What if I hypothetically tried to get cigarette? Would I be told you bribed them not to sell me any?”

“Of course not, _”_ Lupin flashed him a toothy grin, “ _hypothetically_.”

Jigen fumed and stormed away.

****************************

Goemon offered to take him on a meditation trip, but that involved sitting under waterfall half naked and chopping off enough firewood to support a small family for years to come. The only thing that can dampen Jigen’s day more is to loose his hat to a river or woods animal, so he thanked Goemon and said no.

To be frank, Goemon seemed immensely relieved when Jigen told him no and never offered anything else again, so Jigen was not really feeling the guilt of rejecting his friend’s kindness.

Lupin, on the other hand, was eerily devoted to make sure Jigen followed the doctor’s rules. He made funny looking alarm clocks for reminding Jigen take his pills on time and hide them everywhere in the safe house.

And he reactivated smoke alarm. The little sucker.

***************************

Jigen never meant to lash out on his company. That’s not how he does things. But on day three it’s all becoming too much, and Jigen felt caged, restless, and generally out of fucks to give.

He was tearing Lupin a new one when Goemon interfered, dragging him out of the door to the rooftop by sheer strength. The samurai got some serious muscle hidden under those ridiculously baggy clothing, Jigen tell you that.

“What?” Jigen grumbled, yanked his elbow free from the other man’s iron grip.

“You need to calm down,” Goemon told him gravely, “Lupin was only having your best interest in mind.”

“He doesn’t seem to mind,” Jigen protested. It was true, the gentleman thief seemed mostly amused and well-entertained by Jigen’s flares.

Goemon pretended he didn’t hear that. “I was with him back at the hospital, and I witnessed how he behaved. You weren’t there.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Jigen threw his hands into the air, “I was busy lying on a bed couple feet away being cut open by doctors. _Sorry_.”

“No apology needed,” Goemon answered with a nod, and fuck that Japanese samurai had nerve, “but I was there. I never saw him being that affected by anything.”

Affected. That’s an interesting word to use. “What’s your point?”

“My point,” Goemon inclined his head a little, “is that even if you don’t want to listen to me, you should listen to him. He truly cares about your well-being.”

“What does that have anything to do with—wait, _YOU_ don’t truly care about my well-being?”

Goemon gave him an unimpressed look, almost as good as the one that doctor gave him.

************************

“I bought you candy,” Lupin showed him the candy balls on his palm, all wrapped prettily in colorful cases. “French candies.” He explained, “they’re quite good. I survived on them when I was a kid.”

Jigen snorted.

“It’s true,” Lupin continued, blinking innocently, “I was a chubby kid. You want peach or orange?”

Jigen doubted his friend ever weighed anything more than skin and bone in his life. And Jigen doesn’t even like candies. Toothache and stuff. He knew that Lupin knows it too, and Lupin knew that Jigen knew he knows. Jigen took the candy from Lupin’s hand anyway, shoved them into his pocket. The wrapper crinkles slightly, and Jigen squeezed them like he would an abandoned cigarette case.

“Thanks,” he grumbled.

Lupin pouted, but it was his satisfied pout, the one he used when he got what he wanted but decided he wanted more. “I was going to keep the peach ones,” he whined.

Jigen ignored him.

*************************

By afternoon, just when Jigen believed his day was starting to get better, Mine Fujiko dropped by to give her fake condolence.

That woman is the bane of his life, Jigen swore. She took her cigarette out in the first hour she came over, raised one to her lips, and then under the other’s disbelieving eyes, blinked innocently and put it back into the case. “Sorry,” she said sweetly, “I forgot. I am fully supportive of Jigen’s rehab, though, so I guess I will have one only when I get home.”

_Fuck his life._

**************************************

Jigen went out before dinner to the bar. One of his old friends was in town and wanted to meet for old time’s sake. Frankly, he could use some air and some time away from Lupin’s scrutinizing eyes.

And of course, his friend offered him cigarette before the first shot was even on the table.

Jigen considered about it. One. He could have just one.

There’s no way one cigarette can burst his lung, right? He could just have a taste, he didn’t even have to finish it. Jigen is not a man to be tempted, but now he truly is tempted. Badly, deeply, bone-shakingly.

All his life, he’s never encountered a real reason for him to quit. No woman to scold him, no children to set a good example for, no parents to poke and frown at him. He had the most self-indulgent man in the world as his boss. If he lived long enough to die of lung cancer, Jigen would consider it his luck.

He eyed the cigarette, and he can almost envision the airy smoke, the slightly burn in his throat, the familiar weight on his lips. But then he can also envision Lupin’s earnest face, how it lit up when Jigen took those sweet as fuck candy, and Goemon’s words ringed in his ears. He truly cares about you. _He truly cares about you. He truly—_

Fuck them both.

Jigen shoved his hand into his pocket and squeezed the candy against his palm. “No thanks,” he grumbles, tearing his eyes away from the cigarette and felt the physical pain while doing so.

His friend’s eyes widen ironically. “Wow, didn’t see that comin’. Ye got a wife or somethin’ now?”

He’s gonna sound like a stick in the mud if he said ‘no, it’s my boss’, so Jigen kept his mouth shut.

**************************

Lupin was on him the moment Jigen stepped in through the door.

He sniffed around Jigen’s throat like a creep, round eyes narrowed to a slit. “You smelled like cigarette. Did you smoke?”

“No.”

Lupin’s eyes are still narrowed.

Jigen suddenly was annoyed. All the shit he pulled through this week to keep the thief happy, just to be accused of anyway. “I didn’t, okay?” he raised his voice.

“Are you feigning anger because you’re feeling guilty?”

“No, I’m pretty sure my anger is real. I said I didn’t, you want to truth serum me or what?”

“I have faster ways,” Lupin said, stepping forward.

Then he kissed Jigen.

Jigen froze, waiting for Lupin to pull back so he can punch him in the face, but then Lupin _shoved his tongue_ into Jigen’s mouth, and Jigen almost shrieked like a girl.

He yanked himself back and raised a fist, but Lupin danced away quicker than Jigen can say _whatthefuck_. “You didn’t”, he announced, looking properly satisfied, “good. And you ate the peach candy! Told you they’re good.”

Well now, that’s gross.

Jigen reaches for his Smith & Wesson. Lupin only laughed.

**********************

_Jigen realized he couldn’t shrug this one off the moment the bullet entered his body. He wasn’t focused enough, distracted by another dark figure lurking behind the window. It was foolish but unavoidable._

_He hit the ground with a dull thud, hand instinctively flied to cover his wound. The pain was bearable, but soon he couldn’t breathe. Wind whizzing out of him like a poked balloon, but he needed to get up and move, because the bullets were still flying above his head—wait, getting down might be a good idea. He could stay there for a while, just rest a bit, until the worst is over._

_Fuckity fucking fuck, he couldn’t breathe._

****************************

Jigen woke up to the tiniest sound, a gun man’s instinct.

He lied there on the bed for a second, blinking until his eyes got used to the darkness, then looked right into the pair of glinting round eyes staring at him from above.

Jigen let out an even breath. “Lupin. Are you watching me sleep?”

“Not exactly. I am listening to you sleep,” the thief answered smoothly, like it’s perfectly fine to hover above your friend’s bed where the said friend is currently sleeping. He leaned back a little so he is not breathing directly into Jigen’s face. “Your breath sounds a little weird. Is your wound bothering you?”

Jigen opened his mouth to say fuck off, but realized he did feel a little tight around his chest. As if reading his mind, Lupin shoved a glass and two pills into his hand. Jigen sat up, swallowed the pills and threw back the water before setting the glass down.

“Lupin,” he said, as kindly as a man in this situation could be, “get the fuck out of my room.”

Lupin pouted. “No thank you,” he leaned back into his chair, “I think I’m quite happy here.”

Truth be told, this was not the weirdest thing the thief had ever done, and Jigen was still decent enough a man to muster up proper gratitude at the younger man’s concern. Jigen figured it’s better simply waiting for the thief to be bored and eventually go away, so he closed his eyes and sunk back into the pillow.

A few minutes past.

For fuck’s sake, he couldn’t sleep like this.

“Can’t sleep?”

_Jesus Christ._

Jigen snapped his eyes open to yell at the other man, but Lupin was already moving. The thief nudged him gently before climbed onto the bed, long limbs worked around Jigen’s body to find room. It’s not a huge bed, and neither of them is a small man, so Jigen had to squirmed to the edge of the bed in case Lupin elbowed him in his ribs. He knew there’s no point arguing with the younger man when he set his mind on something, so Jigen just went with it, however weird, like he always did.

Then Lupin put a hand on Jigen’s chest, palm flat against his bare skin, and that was a tad too sappy for Jigen’s tolerance. “What the—"

“I thought you were dying.”

Jigen shut his mouth.

It’s ridiculous how the whole ‘bullet to my lung’ thing paled beside ‘no smoking for a month’. Jigen almost forgot that the whole farce was because he got shot, but he still had the good sense to know that it’s not normal for…well, for normal people.

“I was not.”

“I know, but I thought you were. You certainly looked like you were.”

“Were you scared?” Jigen blurted out.

“Yes,” Lupin answered earnestly.

Jigen’s heart beat against the other man’s palm. He should’ve known the other man would wield honesty like a blunt weapon. And now he is struck dumbness and feeling heat rising under his skin. Thank god the darkness covered him.

“Well…”, Jigen started, paused a moment, and finished with a lame “you shouldn’t now.”

Lupin threw him an undecipherable look in the dark. “Don’t do that again,” he asked, or demanded, Jigen was not sure.

Jigen shrugged awkwardly on the bed. “Okay.”

Lupin snorted at his reply. “Liar,” he whispered.

Jigen glared at him, but Lupin was not fazed at all. Instead, his hand curling into a tight fist on Jigen’s body. “I’ll do anything for you.” The thief said, and to Jigen’s surprise, sounded like he meant it.

That’s a first. Jigen considered it a minute. “okay,” he started, “what if I say—”

“No,” Lupin cut him off.

Jigen frowned to the ceiling. “I didn’t even finish—”

“You were going to ask me to stop hanging out with Fujiko.”

“I wasn’t—okay, I was. But you just said you’d do—”

“ _JIGEN.”_

“Okay, okay.” Jigen grumbled. “Then how about I ask you to shut the fuck up so I can sleep?”

“That I can do,” the thief purred.

The hand was still a slightly uncomfortable weight on Jigen’s chest, but the painkiller swiftly kicked in and Jigen sank back into sleep and spent the next eight hours dead to the world.

****************************

Someone coughed above him.

Jigen grumbled indignantly and scrubbed a hand over his face. It’s far too early to be waking up. He sat up a little on his elbow, bleary eyes caught sight of one samurai standing by his bed. “What now?”

“Mine Fujiko is here,” Goemon said in his deep voice, and coughed again, eyes dropping down onto the bed. Jigen looked down along, and there Lupin was, as naked as the day he was born, hugging Jigen’s waist like an octopus, drooling onto the sheet, and clearly, shamelessly faking sleep at the moment.

Jigen slapped Lupin on the head. The thief pouted with his eyes still closed.

“All right,” Jigen tried, looking up, “what if I tell you this is not what it looks like?”

Goemon made a gallant attempt at keeping his composure, but his face was so red Jigen worried he might’ve burst a blood vessel.

Jesus fucking Christ. This is gonna be a good day.

**********************************

When they properly dressed themselves and went out the room, Fujiko was on the couch already, legs crossed, sitting like a queen.

“Oh,” she looked over at them, raising an uninterested eyebrow, “you two fucked?”

Jigen was proud that he didn’t choke, but Goemon sure did. Lupin brushed her off with a wave of his hand, “Not when children is here, Fujiko-chan.” He sing-songed.

Goemon made an indignant sound and promptly left the room, clearly had had enough for one morning.

“We didn’t!” Jigen shouted after him, feeling the need the clear the air.

“Get him back,” Fujiko rolled her eyes, “I have a job you all want to hear.”

****************************

The job went on just fine, ended with barely any hiccups, a lot of cash in their bags, and the only surprise being that Mine Fujiko _didn’t_ double-cross them in the end.

Jigen was enjoying his post-job drink not far away from their safe house when Fujiko gracefully slides into the seat opposite to him.

“Lupin is counting money now,” Jigen raised an eyebrow, “I thought you wanted to watch.”

Fujiko ignored him. She rested her chin on her palm, a thoughtful look on her face. “Do you love him?”

Jigen grimaced. What kind of fucking question was that. _“No.”_

Fujiko hummed. “You say that, but you would follow him anywhere.”

Jigen didn’t answer this time.

Fujiko grinned at him, perfect red lips curling up at the corner. “Then you love him better than I do,” she purred, “I wouldn’t follow him at all. He got a good brain on his shoulder, but that man is out of his mind most of the time.”

Jigen huffed in a vague ‘tell me about it’ way.

“Just so you know, I asked Lupin the same question and he said no too.” The woman continued, “but he said you’re important.”

Jigen considered about it. He’d spent his whole younger life being a nobody from nowhere that’s important to absolutely no one, and his adult life a somebody from somewhere that’s somewhat important but only when he’s needed.

Being important constantly to someone sounds good to him.

“Anyway, have fun with each other.” Fujiko concluded with an elegant shrug, “and by the way, do you know Lupin bugged you under your lapel? He’s probably listening to us right now.”

“I do,” Jigen sighed, pulled out his tie and flipped it to show a tiny device attached to it to the woman, “and in my tiepin, too. Every time I remove them, he just plants new ones.”

“My my, some one is being obsessive,” Fujiko laughed. “Bye Lupin,” she said to Jigen’s tiepin, “I have a cruiser waiting for me in Caribbean. Put the money in my account. See you in a month, darling.”

She walked away with an alluring swing in her ass, tempting enough that even Jigen stared a little.

*****************************

When Jigen got back to their safe house, Lupin was lounging comfortably in the small sofa, headphone around his neck, not even pretending he was not listening in.

“It’s rude not telling other people their bugs have been made,” the thief pouted.

“So is bugging other people in the first place,” Jigen shot back.

“Anyway, you still missed the one in your shoe.”

Only when Jigen started jumping on one leg trying to get a better look at the bottom of his shoes did he realize Lupin was messing with him.

He put his foot down with a powerful frown, glaring daggers at the thief, but Lupin only stared thoughtfully at him.

“You do love me, Jigen dear,” the thief said, “and you’ll do anything for me.”

He sounded pretty sure of it, so Jigen just shrugged.

“The doctor did say he’d recommend three months without smoking,” Lupin continued, a finger brushing his own lip, contemplating Jigen’s face carefully, “what do you think?”

“I think you are crazy,” Jigen answered with a blank face.

Lupin tsked, pushed himself up from the sofa and forward.

It was a proper kiss all right. Lupin’s hands cupped his cheeks, bony fingers tugged at his beard gently. The thief waited until Jigen began to part his lips to start involving tongues, like a true gentleman.

All the time Jigen kept his hands in his pocket because he is cool like that. The kiss lingered for a while till Jigen decided it’s tipping from chaste to lewd too much.

“Fine, fine,” he grumbled, pushing the other man off and restrained himself from wiping his own mouth like a brute, “but three months is it. No more. And you get those fucking bugs off me right now.”

“Deal!” Lupin was beaming like he just got the best news of his life, “now, let’s go rob a candy shop in France.”

 

That sounds like fun.

 

******************************

END.

**Author's Note:**

> I put together the story in roughly three hours because those two are just so adorable I cound't breathe. All typos belong to me; English is not my strong suit so I assume there'll be a lot of them.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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